It was going okay... and then it wasn't

Hello journal. Today he finally spoke to me. He just came home and pretended nothing happened at all.

He woke me up at 7am and wanted to be intimate even though I was obviously mad and didn't want to. Why would he ignore my existence for a week then come home and want to be intimate like nothing happened?

He was acting normally for a few hours, then came in the bedroom where I was relaxing and started complaining about how "filthy" the house was. I told him I cleaned all yesterday and didn't know what he was going on about. He pointed at some clothes on the bedroom floor. Clothes that he threw on the floor during one of his tantrums.

He had been stomping around the house a few days ago and I guess he was looking for something, because he was going through everything. But he was just opening boxes and tossing things out, and going through the closet and throwing things behind him. Just making a real mess. I asked what he needed and if he wanted help, but he totally ignored me as if I wasn't there. I never found out if he found what he was looking for.

Anyway, today he snapped at me for not cleaning his mess. So I got angry and told him to clean it himself. He stomped out and I fell asleep.

I woke up an hour later and went to check on my son, and husband had just ignored him the entire time. He had a huge, wet droopy diaper, an empty bottle he was sucking on and was fussing because he wanted his dad to play with him. I was so mad. He sat literally right next to his boy and deliberately ignored him, just to hurt me. This little baby did nothing wrong! Why punish him? He just wanted attention.

I went to pick up Little One and husband turns to me and said he "did me a favor taking care of Little One" so I can sleep and that he'll take dinner "if you're done being a bitch like earlier".

I lost my temper.

I said you are the only one being a bitch, (husband's name). I cleaned the entire house, did the dishes YOU dirtied up, scanned dozens of your homework pages even though I was busy-- he interrupted me and said "Oh just shut up I don't want to hear your ugly voice". I yelled TOO BAD because it's my house and I'll say whatever I want!

I listed all the things he made me do for him in the past two weeks (that I could remember) and called him an ungrateful jerk. I told him to clean his own mess because I'm not doing it. Then I went to bathe baby.

So now I'm getting the silent treatment again. I know I probably reacted badly, any attention is good attention to him. I'm just so worn out. He doesn't help take care of his son at all, he only plays with him for a few minutes before he goes off to study or work. He won't change diapers, won't feed him, won't bathe him and won't even watch him so I can have a break.

I love my baby, he's my world. But I haven't had a full night's sleep since he was born because I'm the only one to wake up and feed him or take care of his crying. Husband won't do it. I deserve rest. But husband only says that taking care of Little One isn't a job and I'm "not really tired" and I'm "lying because I'm lazy".

Is it really too much to ask for you to clean your own pile of clothes or watch Little One for 10 lousy minutes so I can shower?

You really think ignoring your son for an hour qualifies as "taking care of" him? You really think watching your own son is doing me a "favor"?


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