Finding reasons to be angry

It feels to me like he deliberately searches out reasons to get angry when he comes home. Nearly every single day he comes home and complains about something. Anything. It could be as small as a smudge on the TV screen. Yesterday, the same day I wrote my previous entry, my husband came home and went on a tangent about the house cleanliness.

Remembering things he's said to me

Hi journal. The past few weeks have been "normal", as far as "normal" is for us. He came home a few days ago and blew up at me for having the door cracked open. I really can't understand why he overreacts to benign things. It really does throw me off and confuse me. I'll be having a great day and he will explode over the tiniest thing and ruin it. Sometimes I think he does it on purpose, other times I think he may be mentally ill. Normal people don't act like this.

He came home and started in after talking decently on the phone before that

Hi Journal. We had a normal conversation on WhatsApp this morning. I guess. As soon as he walked through the door, he started complaining. Then the day devolved from there.

It was going okay... and then it wasn't

Hello journal. Today he finally spoke to me. He just came home and pretended nothing happened at all.

I don't even know where to start

I really, really don't know where to start, journal. It's been so long because I lost my password. It was a sheer stroke of luck that I guessed the right one today.

The past two days have been miserable. I am so worn down. I'm just tired of it all. I can't even enumerate all of the things that happened. I am picking bits and pieces from the issues that stand out to me.

It's been a while

It's been a while since I spoke to you, journal. That's because this is one of those calm periods between storms...

He's Still Raging, threatening Divorce

I don't even know where to start, journal. He's completely off the deep end this week. This hasn't happened in a couple months. He's been nitpicking and looking for reasons to yell at me all day long. Am I the only one who thinks this is really childish? I told him I think he's acting like a kid, and he just flips me off and slams the door.

Third Day and Full-on Rage

Journal, you don't know how much I wish you were a real person. I really need someone to talk to, but I have nobody. I need someone to care. He has isolated me from all of my friends and family. I have to sneak away to visit them so he doesn't rage at me. Although I try my best to avoid making him angry, today it didn't work.

Stomped off to work this morning, slamming the door

I guess he's still angry about yesterday. He ignored my offer to make food and boiled 8 eggs to take for his work lunch. I asked if he wanted me to make egg salad and he yelled "NO! I don't have any food!". I don't know how that is supposed to make sense, but okay.

After about 10 minutes I hear a popping and sizzling and I asked what the noise was, since he was near the stove. He said "It's water hitting the dirty stove because you never clean it".

First thing he says to me is an insult. He just had to add that last part. I get up and check the stove. The only thing on it is a few crumbs and a little speck of oil near the grill. Hardly enough to make that noise. I think he let the eggs boil over, but decided to use the opportunity to insult me instead.

He grabbed his work stuff and ran out of the house not even fully dressed yet. Slammed the door really hard behind him. 

Lovely start to my day. Especially since little one was up all night with coli…

He Won't Take the Garbage, and Wont Let Me, Either

He came home from work this morning and the first thing he did was complain. "Why aren't my clothes on the coat rack?!" (He hangs them there in the living room and I can't stand it. Who does that? That's what a closet is for). I said that baby kept knocking it over, so I laid them over the chair and hid the coat rack from him while he played. Well that just started a tirade that is still going on 14 hours later.

Typical Day of being Snippy

We actually had a pretty nice day today. I am sick, so I was asleep most of the day with a killer headache. He kept trying to get me up every once in a while. I only got up once to make him lunch, then fell asleep in the middle of it, so he had to finish.

Today I'm fat and ugly and a horrible mother

At least that's what he says.

Today he got mad because I wasn't thrilled for the "treat" of being taken out along with him to do his errands. He noticed I looked down and angrily asked what was the matter with me.

My Offline Journals

Here are some personal offline journals I kept before I made this blog. I sounded pretty bitter in them, looking back on it. I had no idea I had so much rage inside of me. 
---- Early 2019  Yesterday was my birthday. No one in my family remembered. One friend, my boss, sent me a message on WhatsApp. She cheered me up. Nobody else remembered. Not even my husband.  He came home and demanded dinner. He didn't say happy birthday, didn't bring me a gift, and forgot that he promised to take me to get my hair cut for my birthday. While i was cooking, he told me i was looking fatter and I should weigh myself. Then he got angry because I got hurt by his words and started to tear up. He stomped off to the bedroom, calling me a bitch as he left. He threw the food away, so I told him he's ungrateful after I cooked for him. He said he bought the food so I should cook it, it isn't a favor.  Later the baby was crying. I told him I had to study because I had an assignment due tomorrow…

The Backstory (Read This First)

We've been married 3 years so far. But I've known him for 10+ years. I will try to condense all of that into this single entry, to give my following entries some context.

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